Have you ever looked back at your life and wondered about the 'What could have been(s)'? There are a lot of pivotal points in your life where two different decisions could take your life in the two completely opposite directions. Of course you made one of them but have you ever wondered how your life would have been if you had made the choice that you didn't make. Ever since I was in the 11th standard, I've always done that.
Why do I do it?
I've always wanted my life to amount to something. I always wanted to make an impact and do something worthwhile. This is why introspection has been an important part of my life because I get to see if I'm actually on the right track or not. But what I want to talk about is not introspection or my goals in life, which is a long list, but the reasons behind the choices that you and I make at those pivotal points in life.
More often than not it's an obstacle that compels us to do something that we don't want or that prevents us from doing something that we want to do wholeheartedly; yes, they are two different things. The word obstacle has a negative connotation to it but that is not always the case. Sometimes these obstacles don't really seem like themselves. They are just there, a part of your life and many times an important one. I wonder what you would think of me when you read what I'm about to say next.
Parents.
They can be an obstacle or a more soothing word is an influencer. We love our parent so much that we don't actually realize that we never got to live the experiences that we might have even wanted. We never get to make some choices and then face the consequences of these choices because there is always something planned out for us. With that immense care and love also comes suffocation and obligation. Suffocation of not getting to live the way you want and an obligation to always, not just listen but to follow the instructions laid down for you. What happens when you don't follow them? Well that depends and I'm not going to get into that. It's heartbreaking really. How do you make someone understand that you are old and bold enough to make your own decisions whilst also telling that you appreciate what they have done for you? It's a slippery road, that one. The other road is not as slippery.
Circumstances.
How many times have we done things because that's just how they were supposed to be done? How many times have we felt helpless about not being able to do something? These circumstances, we grow around them and they grow around us. Nonetheless they can be overcome and from what I've heard it takes a lot of courage and vigour, whose depth can be fathomed by only the ones that have themselves done it, to outgrow these circumstances. One interesting thing about circumstances is that it makes the decisions easy and our conscience clear. We get a scapegoat on which we can put all our failed decisions and be relieved. But is clearing your conscience really that easy?
Is my conscience really clear or am I also looking for a scapegoat too? Am I alone.
All this happens and there is a part of us that wishes for a chance to change things but who does life wait for?
